Most children who are sexually abused are abused by someone close to them.
We don't usually want to imagine that anyone close, e.g. a spouse, partner, relative or friend, could do such a thing. We often assume that children would tell us if they were being abused, or that we would be able to recognise a sexual abuser if we saw one. Child sexual abusers make it their business to hide their behaviour and make themselves seem safe. While there are no fool-proof warning signs, some people display certain behaviours around children that are cause for concern including:
• Insisting on hugging, touching, kissing, wrestling or holding a child even when a child does not want this attention.
• Creating opportunities to get time alone or insisting on having time alone with a child or young teenager.
• Regularly offering to babysit for free or taking children or teens on overnight outings or holidays alone. Someone who seems 'too good to be true'.
• Buying children or teens gifts or food or giving them money for no apparent reason.
• Insisting on having an older child sleep with him/her.
• Spending most of their spare time with children or young teenagers.
• Asking questions about the sexuality of a child and talking about their developing body. This might include inappropriate sexual behaviour in front of children or using sexual names for a child like 'stud' or 'sexy' even in a joking way.
• Walking in on children when changing, or using the bathroom etc.
• Emailing or texting children or youth with 'secrets' that isolate them from the rest of the family.
• Making you feel 'shut out' as a parent, or isolating your child.
• Visiting children's chat rooms or linking with a child for emotional or physical comfort and initiating activities normally shared by adults.
• Allowing children to consistently get away with inappropriate behaviours. This may also include making you feel shut out as a parent as you seem like the bad guy for enforcing family rules.
A time to be especially watchful is when there is a new adult or teen in the household, e.g. Step-parent, boarder, babysitter, partner.
Most sexual abusers are male, and many offenders began sexually abusing children while they were teenagers. This does not mean that male teenagers are the only people who sexually abuse children.
Look out for anyone who isolates children from adults and who encourage secrets with children. If you see any of the above signs, talk to someone that can help.
Understand that abusers often become friendly with potential victims and their families gaining time alone with children. You can keep your family safer if you educate yourself about how someone creates opportunities to sexually abuse children, and put a family safety plan in place.
What to do if you have concerns about someone's behaviour:
• Trust your intuition - if it doesn't feel right, back your own judgement and don't let that person have time alone with your child.
• Talk to a professional about your worries (CAPS The Police or CYFS). Some behaviour may indicate a risk of sexual abuse to a child while other behaviour be a sign that the person needs help.
• Set up a family safety plan and learn about dealing with disclosures of sexual abuse.
Don't be afraid to act to protect a child.
This Tip Sheet has been compiled using the following sources:
http://helpauckland.org.nz/unsafe-adult-behaviour www.stopitnow.org/behaviors_watch_adult_with_children
Ending Offending Together
http://rpe.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Ending_Offending_Together1.pdf
• Insisting on hugging, touching, kissing, wrestling or holding a child even when a child does not want this attention.
• Creating opportunities to get time alone or insisting on having time alone with a child or young teenager.
• Regularly offering to babysit for free or taking children or teens on overnight outings or holidays alone. Someone who seems 'too good to be true'.
• Buying children or teens gifts or food or giving them money for no apparent reason.
• Insisting on having an older child sleep with him/her.
• Spending most of their spare time with children or young teenagers.
• Asking questions about the sexuality of a child and talking about their developing body. This might include inappropriate sexual behaviour in front of children or using sexual names for a child like 'stud' or 'sexy' even in a joking way.
• Walking in on children when changing, or using the bathroom etc.
• Emailing or texting children or youth with 'secrets' that isolate them from the rest of the family.
• Making you feel 'shut out' as a parent, or isolating your child.
• Visiting children's chat rooms or linking with a child for emotional or physical comfort and initiating activities normally shared by adults.
• Allowing children to consistently get away with inappropriate behaviours. This may also include making you feel shut out as a parent as you seem like the bad guy for enforcing family rules.
A time to be especially watchful is when there is a new adult or teen in the household, e.g. Step-parent, boarder, babysitter, partner.
Most sexual abusers are male, and many offenders began sexually abusing children while they were teenagers. This does not mean that male teenagers are the only people who sexually abuse children.
Look out for anyone who isolates children from adults and who encourage secrets with children. If you see any of the above signs, talk to someone that can help.
Understand that abusers often become friendly with potential victims and their families gaining time alone with children. You can keep your family safer if you educate yourself about how someone creates opportunities to sexually abuse children, and put a family safety plan in place.
What to do if you have concerns about someone's behaviour:
• Trust your intuition - if it doesn't feel right, back your own judgement and don't let that person have time alone with your child.
• Talk to a professional about your worries (CAPS The Police or CYFS). Some behaviour may indicate a risk of sexual abuse to a child while other behaviour be a sign that the person needs help.
• Set up a family safety plan and learn about dealing with disclosures of sexual abuse.
Don't be afraid to act to protect a child.
This Tip Sheet has been compiled using the following sources:
http://helpauckland.org.nz/unsafe-adult-behaviour www.stopitnow.org/behaviors_watch_adult_with_children
Ending Offending Together
http://rpe.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Ending_Offending_Together1.pdf