James Parker was a Principal of a small NZ school whose sexual offending went undetected for a number of years. Red flags were present throughout his offending including sleep overs with students, personal involvement that built up trust with the parents' of his victims and children's reports of abuse that were dismissed by those who were told. School communities can learn from this case to better protect their own students whether the abuser is inside or outside the school. This webpage includes information about behaviours to watch out for, what to do if you have concerns as well as how to help prevent child sexual abuse.
Schools can:
Why do so many seemingly normal people sexually assault children? One study indicates 34 percent of offenders are family members, 59 percent acquaintances. Upward of 94 percent are male, with 30 to 50 percent of abusers still children or adolescents themselves.
Not all people who abuse are the same and not all of the reasons they abuse are the same. Some people are sexually attracted to young children. Some abuse because they have access to children and are drinking, depressed, jealous, or just need comfort. Some are developmentally delayed and don't understand the implications of what they do. Some are psychopaths. Some have grown up in a culture where the signs of sexual abuse are ignored and somehow justify to themselves that it is okay.
What makes it harder to abuse?
We know that when an organization or a community-whether college campus or primary school or church group-creates a culture of accountability, where sexual abuse and assault is talked about and not tolerated, where inappropriate behaviours are discussed and addressed through organizational policies, and people are educated about healthy sexual development-people are less likely to offend.
Why we don't see child sexual abuse when it is happening
We don't usually want to imagine that anyone close, e.g. a spouse, partner, teacher, principal, relative or friend, could do such a thing. Often parents and teachers assume that children would tell them if they were being abused, or that they would be able to recognise a sexual abuser if they saw one. Sometimes people might suspect something but dismiss the thought as too awful. They often tell themselves things like:
Adults who abuse children:
• May also be in sexual relationships with adults at the same time they are abusing children
• Are highly likely to deny the behaviour
• Are highly likely to be having sexual fantasies about children
• Are not addicted to having sex or sexual activity with children although they are unlikely to stop without help
• May also be interested in child pornography
How Do Child Sexual Abusers Operate?
Child sexual abusers say that they mostly abuse children who are the most vulnerable and the most available to them. Often it has very little to do with how physically attractive the child is to the abuser. They look for children who appear isolated, sad, or in need of a friend. There are two things that will always be part of a child sexual abuser's routine: isolation and silencing children. Child sexual abusers will nearly always try to isolate a child from other adults. Child sexual abusers will always try to make the child keep the abuse a secret. If a child does tell, they may do so in a 'round about' way. Be alert and listen carefully to children.
Unsafe behaviour to look out for (that might indicate an adult is sexually abusing a child)
Look out for anyone who isolates children from adults and who encourage secrets with children. If you see any of the above signs, talk to someone that can help.
Understand that abusers often become friendly with potential victims and their families gaining time alone with children. You can keep children safer if you educate yourself about how someone creates opportunities to sexually abuse children, and put a safety plan in place.
Look past who the person is and focus on their behaviour
Look beyond who the person is and focus on behaviours. It is important to see someone's behaviour rather than assume someone is safe because you like or trust them.
Also, remember that there might be a change in someone's behaviour around children over time and it is important to notice if any unsafe behaviours emerge which might indicate a problem.
Most people who sexually abuse children put a considerable amount of time in gaining the trust of adults around children before they begin offending (this is called grooming).
What to do if you have concerns about someone's behaviour:
If your school needs policies for identifying and responding to child abuse free examples are available from the Toolkit for Safer Children http://www.mmsi.org.nz/images/stories/toolkit.pdf
Primary Prevention of Child Sexual Abuse - ideas for schools
Primary prevention work is done with the whole of the community (not just those at risk) to help create an environment where child sexual abuse is less likely to happen and more likely to be detected quickly when it does.
Schools can help create a preventative environment when they:
This information has been compiled using the following sources:
http://helpauckland.org.nz/unsafe-adult-behaviour www.stopitnow.org/behaviors_watch_adult_with_children
Ending Offending Together
http://rpe.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Ending_Offending_Together1.pdf
http://www.preventconnect.org/
The internet provides outstanding opportunities for learning, communicating and having fun. There are some things you can do to help minimise the risk of 'grooming' and sexual abuse online:
- Develop policy and procedures to identify possible child abuse and respond appropriately (links provided below)
- Learn - Learn about how sexual abusers operate (information below)
- Notice - Notice people's behaviours around children (no matter how much you like or trust them)
- Act - Act if you see or are told something that might be unsafe. Professional Confidential support is available for you to discuss your concerns.
Why do so many seemingly normal people sexually assault children? One study indicates 34 percent of offenders are family members, 59 percent acquaintances. Upward of 94 percent are male, with 30 to 50 percent of abusers still children or adolescents themselves.
Not all people who abuse are the same and not all of the reasons they abuse are the same. Some people are sexually attracted to young children. Some abuse because they have access to children and are drinking, depressed, jealous, or just need comfort. Some are developmentally delayed and don't understand the implications of what they do. Some are psychopaths. Some have grown up in a culture where the signs of sexual abuse are ignored and somehow justify to themselves that it is okay.
What makes it harder to abuse?
We know that when an organization or a community-whether college campus or primary school or church group-creates a culture of accountability, where sexual abuse and assault is talked about and not tolerated, where inappropriate behaviours are discussed and addressed through organizational policies, and people are educated about healthy sexual development-people are less likely to offend.
Why we don't see child sexual abuse when it is happening
We don't usually want to imagine that anyone close, e.g. a spouse, partner, teacher, principal, relative or friend, could do such a thing. Often parents and teachers assume that children would tell them if they were being abused, or that they would be able to recognise a sexual abuser if they saw one. Sometimes people might suspect something but dismiss the thought as too awful. They often tell themselves things like:
- "He's so good with the children. There's no way he would hurt them."
- "He's a happily married man. Why would he be interested in sex with boys?"
- "She is their mother. Mothers don't do that sort of thing to their kids."
- "I'd know if he was doing anything like that - I've been his wife for 20 years."
- "He's only 14, just a kid himself. I fooled around like that at his age, too."
Adults who abuse children:
• May also be in sexual relationships with adults at the same time they are abusing children
• Are highly likely to deny the behaviour
• Are highly likely to be having sexual fantasies about children
• Are not addicted to having sex or sexual activity with children although they are unlikely to stop without help
• May also be interested in child pornography
How Do Child Sexual Abusers Operate?
Child sexual abusers say that they mostly abuse children who are the most vulnerable and the most available to them. Often it has very little to do with how physically attractive the child is to the abuser. They look for children who appear isolated, sad, or in need of a friend. There are two things that will always be part of a child sexual abuser's routine: isolation and silencing children. Child sexual abusers will nearly always try to isolate a child from other adults. Child sexual abusers will always try to make the child keep the abuse a secret. If a child does tell, they may do so in a 'round about' way. Be alert and listen carefully to children.
Unsafe behaviour to look out for (that might indicate an adult is sexually abusing a child)
Look out for anyone who isolates children from adults and who encourage secrets with children. If you see any of the above signs, talk to someone that can help.
Understand that abusers often become friendly with potential victims and their families gaining time alone with children. You can keep children safer if you educate yourself about how someone creates opportunities to sexually abuse children, and put a safety plan in place.
Look past who the person is and focus on their behaviour
Look beyond who the person is and focus on behaviours. It is important to see someone's behaviour rather than assume someone is safe because you like or trust them.
Also, remember that there might be a change in someone's behaviour around children over time and it is important to notice if any unsafe behaviours emerge which might indicate a problem.
Most people who sexually abuse children put a considerable amount of time in gaining the trust of adults around children before they begin offending (this is called grooming).
What to do if you have concerns about someone's behaviour:
- Talk to a professional about your worries (CAPS 868 8644 The Police 111 or CYFS 0508 FAMILY). Some behaviour may indicate a risk of sexual abuse to a child while other behaviour be a sign that the person needs help.
- Follow your school's policy about suspected child abuse, especially in regard to reporting your concerns.
- Set up a safety plan and learn about dealing with disclosures of sexual abuse.
Don't be afraid to act to protect a child. - Trust your intuition - if it doesn't feel right, back your own judgement and report your concerns in writing to the Principal/ Board of Trustees.
- Be willing to hear from children if they try to tell you about their concerns. Statements like 'that is Mr/Mrs Smith, they are nice person, what are you trying to say about them' can shut children down from disclosing. Try to be open to hear about anyone's behaviour in the school or the childs home environment, regardless of who they are.
If your school needs policies for identifying and responding to child abuse free examples are available from the Toolkit for Safer Children http://www.mmsi.org.nz/images/stories/toolkit.pdf
Primary Prevention of Child Sexual Abuse - ideas for schools
Primary prevention work is done with the whole of the community (not just those at risk) to help create an environment where child sexual abuse is less likely to happen and more likely to be detected quickly when it does.
Schools can help create a preventative environment when they:
- Make it ok to talk about child sexual abuse prevention by putting up posters and magnets in staff rooms and learning environments.
- Create a violence-free school environment by addressing bullying and encouraging staff and students to develop healthy and respectful relationship skills. Develop a culture of being an ethical bystander.
- Teach sexual violence prevention/ ethical relationships in schools and Early Childhood Education/ Kohunga Reo using male and female role models/ facilitators. Ensure students receive this education every year at intermediate and high school level. Talk to younger children about what touch is ok for someone to do to them, and what touch is not OK to do to others. Include education about sexual abuse prevention in online and offline environments.
- Develop school policies and programs, and provide training and ongoing support so all school staff understand the social context of sexual abuse and can recognise and act early to stop child sexual abuse (for both victims and children with concerning sexual behaviours). Regularly make touching rules and expectations of staff's behaviour clear to all volunteers and paid staff.
- Provide information for caregivers and the school community about child sexual abuse prevention (tips in school newsletters, posters up at school, and links to material on school websites etc.)
- Value children's opportunities for self-determination and encourage them to 'be the boss of their own body' and to trust their own intuition.
- Encourage children to talk about what's bothering them by listening and taking their concerns seriously. Offer a range of support options in and outside of the school (including helplines etc.)
- Include education for staff and students about child sexual abuse in the online environment (e.g. objectionable material, child pornography and keeping safer on Facebook etc.) and ensure use agreements are in place for staff, volunteers and children/ young people.
- Implement vetting procedures (both CYFS and Police) for all staff and volunteers (including people on school camps, at boarding school hostels etc.), especially those with contact with children. Re-vet all staff/ volunteers every 2 years.
- Develop a 'thriving children pack' for new parents to the school which focuses on safe children and includes prevention information, contact numbers for local help services, phone lines etc.
- Take part in any network of social service agencies or community networks set up to share information about child sexual abuse prevention.
This information has been compiled using the following sources:
http://helpauckland.org.nz/unsafe-adult-behaviour www.stopitnow.org/behaviors_watch_adult_with_children
Ending Offending Together
http://rpe.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Ending_Offending_Together1.pdf
http://www.preventconnect.org/
The internet provides outstanding opportunities for learning, communicating and having fun. There are some things you can do to help minimise the risk of 'grooming' and sexual abuse online:
- Stay connected with your child's online life. Ask what they like doing online, who they enjoy talking to etc. Most abusers online will try to isolate children from protective adults in their life.
- Get them to show you their favourite game / activity - they are more likely to tell you if something is going wrong if they feel like you understand the environment a little.
- Don't take technology off them if they tell you about something that is going wrong online (instead, praise them for coming to you!). Many children and young people will keep secrets about what is happening online if they are worried adults will overreact or restrict access to technology.
- Find out about grooming online from Netsafe's website and learn how to protect yourself from grooming online.
- Encourage children and young people to protect their personal information online and talk with them about their 'digital footprint' (you can cover topics like, choosing an online name, what counts as 'personal information', sexting etc.).
- If your child is under 5 years old, find out more about online safety for younger children through Hector's World.
