Most children do not tell about sexual abuse in a straight forward way.

Often they will play, talk or act in a way which makes you think something has happened.  The key is to be available to stop, listen and notice to what is going on for the child.

Remember that sexual abuse is never a child's fault.

If a child tells you about abuse:

  • Listen to them. Keep questions and interrogation to a minimum. It is best to leave this to a trained expert at a later time.
  • Keep calm. Stay emotionally connected to the child and their emotional needs, regardless of your own feelings at that moment. They may need more time cuddling or staying physically close to feel safe.
  • Believe them. Try to reflect their feelings without criticism or disbelief. 
  • Keep your reactions to yourself. If you show anger, they might think that is directed at them and not tell you again. 
  • Thank them for telling. Praise the child for their bravery in telling and reassure them that you will get help to try and make it stop. 
  • Take responsibility for making sure the child is now kept safe. This should be your priority and if you need help, call CAPS (07 868 8644), the Police, or Child, Youth and Family on 0508 FAMILY (0508 326 459).
  • Help the child understand that there are people that you will need to talk to in order to get help. 
The path to disclosing sexual abuse is often a difficult one for a child.  An abuser can be manipulative and confuse and shame the child or threaten a member of their family making the child afraid to 'tell'. It is really important that when a child takes the significant step to tell someone about the abuse that they feel listened to, cared about and safe when they have told.  If a child chooses you as their 'trusted adult' and discloses sexual abuse it is important to remember that the responsibility for the abuse lies solely with the offender and that it is rare for children to make-up abuse concerns.

To find out more about how families can support victims of child sexual abuse see the Auckland Sexual Abuse Help Booklet 'The Ripple Effect' see page 11 for an overview.

To find out about reporting the abuse take a look at the Auckland Sexual Abuse Help Booklet 'One Path Ahead' or call CYFS on 0508 FAMILY

This page has been compiled from the following sources; www.sexualabusehelp.org.nz  and www.stopitnow.org/talking_to_kids .